Confusing

A lot of things are going on. 
I am crazy busy doing nothing, 
and while sitting here doing nothing 
my mind spins crazily out of control.
I try to sleep but my thoughts keep my awake. 
Music becomes a tool, 
blocking everything out. 
My eyes close and my breathing slows.
But underneath my closed lids I see a million things. 
They call it a dream. 
It feels like something I have 
been wishing for all the time. 
I summon my ambition 
and put my hand to the task, 
but my brain refuses to co-operate, 
it's like my mind is on a single track 
with no transfer available. 
I feel defeat, 
I feel a distanced uncaring absence. 
It seems like nothing is right, 
but nothing is wrong. 
Everything is confusing 
and there is no way out. 
I'm stuck on a carousel, 
and it's spinning faster and faster as I fade out. 
I wake up in the morning feeling spent and in need of sleep. 


Yes. My life is confusing. 
More cheerful post next time!! 


<3
VioletMoonbeam aka Heather

A shred from my past.

Fictional Bible Letter
A letter I found when I was cleaning my room the other day… I wrote it a few years ago as a class project. We had to write a letter about the time period we were currently studying as if we were in that particular period. 

Dear Jerome,

      The kingdom was not always this way, for the kingdom is falling apart. I want you to know what Solomon was really like when we were children. He was not at all what he is like today, but much better. I, as the well known Tamar, daughter of Jephunneh, was considered one of Solomon's best friends during our childhood. I took it for granted that the palace was like a second home to me. Solomon, my twin brother Barzillai, Solomon's sister Milcah and I were inseperable. We did absolutely everything together as children/youngsters. Our childhood was much like yours, as some people say, the world never changes! Although young ladies were not supposed to go hunting, Milcah and I often accompanied Solomon and Barzillai on their expliots, which were well known. Riding was one of our favorite pastimes, we enjoyed going in the winter especially, to return to a warm fire beside which to sip a mug of something hot while listening to some of David's beautiful music. David often played for us, he enjoyed it. But as we grew older our little group began to disintegrate. We got married eventually and began socializing in our family's circles more. The most often we would see each other was once a month.

      Today Solomon and I rarely see or speak to each other. The kingdom is falling apart. Solomon is marrying women on impulse, instead of for love. He neglects the temple and builds groves, high places and altars for all the gods of his many wives. He has grown so much different from the man he used to be! He has become a wretch and a large part of his time to keeping his wives happy. The reason that kingdom is falling apart is because Solomon is not taking national matters seriously and is straying from God. Do you ever wonder why there is so much killing these days? It is because order is not being properly kept. If there is no one to take care of and organize a country or nation that country or nation will soon disintegrate. It may not happen over night but gradually you will see a change. I do not envy your generation, Jerome, because it will be the generation that will try to sew back together the torn blanket of Israel. But, in reassurance, I am sure it will be your children and grandchildren that will be able to enjoy a bit of peace. Enjoying it wholly will be up to future generations.

        My dear Jerome, eldest grandchild, I will die soon. Comfort your cousins, aunts and uncles when I am gone. Remind them that I am happier in heaven, that the artherites that plagues me day and night now and which robs me of my strength will be gone. But do not let them envy me! Envying me will ruin them, for they will think of nothing but relief from the discord of earth. Remind our family of the harsh consequences Israel has in store for it, if it continues in it's wicked ways. Remind them that the one true God rules over all and will take care of those that love Him. Above all remind them that the unfaithful will be punished and the faithful WILL be rewarded. Because you trust God, I ask you to please talk to them. I will pray for you. I will pray that you have wisdom in leading our family. God bless you, Jerome! Remember, I may be forgotten, but God cannot and must not be forgotten! I love you! May God bless you in the future.

                                  your loving grandmother,

                                               Tamar, daughter of Jephennuh. 

poem.

I cling to everything you have ever said
As I lay on my lonely bed
Trying to find a chink
Some little forgotten link
A secret hint telling all
An excuse to give you a call
Because my heart is yearning
And this feeling it is burning
It’s strong, and pushing at me
Trying to get you to see
That I miss you
And no matter what I do
I can’t get you off my mind
So if you would be so kind
Won’t you come online
So I can talk and be fine
I need you in my life
Your absence is cutting like a knife
My heart is slowly breaking
And you are the one who is taking
All the little pieces
So I’m going to eat some Reeses
And get all fat and ugly
Cause you won’t be my snuggly
And as tears trail down my fat cheeks
I’ll realize we haven’t talked in weeks
They’ll come down so much faster
And I’ll try to call you a bastard
Then I will realize
Between our hearts there are some ties
I’ll go on a diet
Till the critics are all quite
And I’ll go out and see you
When on the grass there’s dew
And when I see you I’ll wrap
My arms around you like a big ole sap
And we will live happily ever after
Underneath our rafter
And there won’t be any end
Because an end our hearts would rend